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Protecting our kids from porn--good luck with that!

From the Parkville Luminary

This week’s effort features some quick takes on the news, neatly labeled for your reading comfort.

A. I’m sleeping better at night these days, thanks to Missouri state Senator Matt Bartle, who has led a successful drive to snuff out the biggest scourge facing the good people of the state. Yes, thanks to Mr. Bartle, full nudity is now banned from strip clubs. Also, the clubs will no longer be allowed to sell liquor. In a quote too silly to have been made up, Bartle told the Star, “…If you mix alcohol and women dancing in the nude, that’s a tough combo. Bad things happen.” Had I been the Star reporter, I would’ve asked him to define “bad”. (5-13-2010)

Legislators, I’m glad to see that you’re on top of things, so to speak. There’s no question that if you stamp out these dens of immorality (or at least, hide them behind pasties) that our state will become a more wholesome place to raise our children. After all, these clubs are the only available outlet for pornography, right? Well, not really. You see, Mr. Bartle and legislators, there’s this thing called the Internet. So while you may be able to cover up nude women in strip clubs, you can’t cover them up online. I just searched “nude women” on Google and got 12.7 million hits. (Note to wife: this search was strictly academic).

I’m sure your Lee’s Summit constituents will be really impressed by your pointless pro-family grandstanding, Mr. Bartle. But the rest of us Missourians would prefer that our legislature address the real issues affecting the state.

B. At least our representative from Parkville has his eye on actual issues impacting Missouri’s families. Two recently passed bills, one sponsored and the other co-sponsored by Rep. Jason Grill, will give families battling Autism a much-needed break. The bills, once signed, will require insurance companies regulated by the state to cover autism spectrum disorders. This includes coverage for therapy known as "advanced behavioral analysis", or ABA, which has proven effective is controlling difficult to manage behaviors. The bill caps treatment for ABA at $40,000 annually for children through the age of 18.

The legislation will have a tremendously positive impact on the lives of Missouri families battling autism. Take State Sen. Eric Schmidt of St. Louis, who is raising a child with autism. “What the therapies (covered under the bill) really mean for families…is the difference between whether or not a mother can take her daughter to a movie, or a dad can take her son to a ball game,” Schmidt told the KC Star (12-04-09). What Schmidt means is that without intensive therapy, children with autism often don’t react well to unfamiliar environments like movie theaters or stadiums or restaurants. This can result in panic attacks or screaming.

Thanks to Grill, Schmidt, and their colleagues, families coping with autism will have one more tool that could make their lives a little less difficult.

C. Senator wanna-be Roy Blunt brought his “Washington Insider Express” to Parkville last weekend. Republicans, before you reflexively vote for this guy, I urge you to look up his record, and particularly his ties to greasy Washington lobbyists. Meanwhile, his probable opponent, Robin Carnahan, made the first bone-head move of the campaign by accepting a $1000 donation from the repugnant Barbra Streisand. Robin, give the money back, and stay out of Hollywood, for goodness sake.

D. “Drill baby, drill” looks increasingly “Stupid baby, stupid” in light of the catastrophe in the Gulf of Mexico. Remember, every dime spent on drilling is a dime not spent on cleaner energy, including nuclear power. Ever seen a bird fouled by a U.S. or Western European nuclear power plant? Additionally, nuclear power plants don’t release greenhouse gases. I say, “Split atoms baby, split atoms.”